Archive for the Arcane Enigmas Category

Arcane Enigmas #1

Posted in Arcane Enigmas with tags on February 23, 2010 by swordandsorcerybooks

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night or whenever you decide to read this.  At the request of the management of the Sword and Sorcery Books Blog, I, Lathan the Golden, am supposed to waste my valuable research time and instruct all of you mundane souls in the mind-bending, soul-rending ways of the thaumaturgical arts.  How I am supposed to convey the awesome beauty and somehow wrap your mind around the multiple complex and ever-changing formulae that constitute the very subtle yet awesomely powerful arcane forces of the universe remains something of a mystery to me.

I would like to clear up any possible confusion about arcane magic that you may have gotten from discussing advanced arcane theory around the water cooler at work, or with certain other members of the SHADOWS OF NIGHT book series characters.  I am especially referring to Marcus’ “arcane magical trick” where you tug on his finger and there is a loud explosion.  That is most certainly not arcane magic at work.  Do not let Marcus con you into saying that it is divine magic either, even though the smell is unholy.  Do not let Marcus double-talk you into believing that it is a “disappearing spell.”  People disappear because they want to breathe, so they go into the next room.  It is not magic at all, and I am deeply sorry if your mundane, non-wizarding mind was taken in by Marcus’ crude and not-so-clever ruse.   

So how does one become a wizard, trained to bring the awe-inspiring forces of the universe to heel?  I studied under a wizard as an apprentice for over seven years.  Seven years of relentless hard work, study and chores at the beck and call of my master.  Or your parents can pay for a fancy-schmancy magical college.  Either way works. 

For your simple, mundane minds, I have chosen a very basic transfiguration called the “Jumping Paperclips.”  Basically you need a dollar bill and two paperclips.  First, fold the dollar bill into an “S” shape, so from the top, the paper looks like an “S.”  Easy enough to master, even for your non-magically inclined brains, right?  Then attach the paper clips to close the “S.”  The top of the “S” attaches to the loop below it and the bottom of the “S”attaches to the loop above it.  Very basic stuff. 

Slowly and gently pull the ends of the dollar bill.  The paper clips will slide along the bill and will come together in the center.  After coming together, the paper clips will link and will leap off of the dollar bill!  How exciting.  You and your little mundane friends will be amazed and amused for hours with your new-found arcane prowess.  It won’t save your life against goblins, orcs or dragons, but you have started down the road to being a mighty wizard. 

*Sigh* 

I guess that unless I can convince the management otherwise, I will be back soon to illuminate your wretched, mundane little lives with more magical inspiration.  Thank you for reading the Sword and Sorcery Books Blog, and come back again soon!